


Punny Flirts and Flirty Puns

by kitkatt0430



Series: Coldflash Bingo 2019 [8]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 01, Barry knows he shouldn't flirt with the cute super villain, Len living out his super villain fantasy life, Len makes the cold and heat guns himself, Len's punny flirting actually paying off to everyone's shock, Lisa would just like to steal the shinies now okay?, M/M, Mick is okay with this, Pre-Slash, alternate introduction for Len Mick and Lisa, because he's a genius, flirts anyway, the attraction's there but its just their first meeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-08-19 11:10:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatt0430/pseuds/kitkatt0430
Summary: Len takes that extra step from every day thief to budding super villain the moment he dreams up the idea of a Cold Gun.  Mick's just along for the ride because a Heat Gun sounds awesome.  Lisa would just like to get back to actually stealing things, but she's not exactly going to say no to a Gold Gun.  And on their first outing as the Rogues, they run into the Flash, bonafide super hero, and Len won't admit it but this is probably the best night of his life.





	Punny Flirts and Flirty Puns

**Author's Note:**

> For my Coldflash Bingo prompt N1 - "Ice to meet you here"

They were finally ready. After months of painstaking work, stealing the parts they needed from labs and warehouses across Central City, and weeks of testing and fine tuning... the guns were finally ready. The Cold Gun, the Heat Gun, and the Gold Gun, each fully charged (and in the Gold Gun's case, loaded up with pyrite) and ready to rock.

Len grinned and pulled on his parka while Mick scowled at his firefighter-esque inspired outfit.

"Look, I realize you've got an aesthetic going on here," Mick complained, "but I ain't wearing this."

"Mick," Len drawled, "we have to get in character. Make a name for ourselves."

"I can make a name for myself just fine in something less conspicuous. Are you really wearing that parka?" Mick was staring at Len in bewilderment now. "Seriously? It's not cold enough for that yet, even at night. You're gonna overheat."

"Give it up, Mick," Lisa scolded from where she was putting on the finishing touches of her gold-glitter makeup. (It was subtle and tasteful, really brought out her eyes.) "You know what a drama queen Len can be. Just let him have his fun, alright?"

"Whatever. You drown in your own sweat, Snart, its no skin off my nose." Mick stuck to his normal attire - jeans, white t-shirt, and a leather jacket - and grinned as he added the holster for the Heat Gun. "Think we'll actually get to play with these tonight?"

"All depends on whether or not the Flash runs over to play," Len drawled, anticipation and excitement in his voice. "Though if he doesn't we can swing by that overpriced bakery that bought out the bodega on Kinsington. You've been wanting to light that up since you saw the prices."

Mick looks pleased at the idea. "Sounds like a plan."

"So, are we all ready?" Len holstered his Cold Gun and looked from Lisa to Mick to see them nod. "Then lets head out."

* * *

The plan was simple. They'd head to one of Central City's more popular open air malls and break into one of the jewelry stores. Then they'd repeat the process (stealing all the best shinies, of course) until either the cops showed up and they had to get away, using their guns to smooth over their escape, or the Flash showed up and they got to establish their new reputations and, as a bonus, use their fight with the Flash as a recruitment drive for other super villains who wanted to team up.

Len already had a team name ready. The Rogues.

(Mick had asked Len, the first time Len explained his super villain plan, if maybe Len was having a mid life crisis. Len had pointed at the Heat Gun schematics in mute reply, indicating that the gun did not have to be built. Mick immediately stopped with any and all mid life crisis jokes then and there. He wanted that gun.)

They broke into the first jewelry store. Mick was pained by how they set off the alarms, but this was Len's plan to bait the Flash.

Mick hoped it worked because he was pretty sure Len really was having a mid life crisis and a fight with a super hero might just be the thing to knock a little sense into Len. Or make him worse. Mick wasn't going to rule out the possibility that Len might double down on this super villain thing.

Len uses his cold gun a few times in front of the security cameras for good measure before they move on to the second jewelry store. Sirens can be heard in the distance... and then there's a literal flash of light outside. And suddenly the trio has become a quartet.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Flash. Ice to meet you here," Len purred and...

And it clicked. This wasn't about the theft or being a super villain or starting up a society of super villains... those were just bonus to Len.

"He didn't," Lisa muttered.

"He did," Mick sighed, defeated.

This was about Len flirting with a hot twink in sexy red bondage gear. Mick felt like maybe, just maybe, he should've seen this coming.

Len always had loved the dynamic between Mega Mind and Metro Man a little too much...

"Seems a little unfair," the Flash replied to Len, "you knowing my name when I don't know yours. How about you bring me up to speed?"

"Did he just?" Lisa hissed, shooting Mick a wild-eyed look.

Mick was just as astounded. "I... I think he did."

"Captain Cold," Len looked like he was having the time of his life. "And these are my associates, Heatwave and Golden Glider. And as nice as it is to meet you, I'm afraid we're going to have to freeze you out of this little party now." Taking aim with the Cold Gun, Len shot at the Flash.

"I swear to god," Mick muttered, "if he expects me to start talking in puns all the time after this, I'm gonna use the Heat Gun on him instead of the Flash." But he added, "let's turn up the heat," in a louder voice anyway as he shot his own weapon in the direction the Flash ran in to avoid Len's attack. Mick went high while Len went low, covering the ground in ice. Lisa shot the superhero's legs, binding the speedster's suit to the ground when he fell.

"Gotta say, the glitter looks good on you sweetie," Lisa teased.

They were headed towards the getaway car now, while the Flash struggled to get out from beneath the pyrite mix that Len had concocted. But of course Len had to smirk at the Flash and get off one last pun. "Why don't you stick around for a while?"

The Flash made a frustrated sound in response.

"See you around, Flash."

* * *

"I'm stuck," Barry snapped into his comm as soon as Captain Cold and his cohorts were out of earshot. "Golden Glider's gun shot some kind of... slurry that's fast drying. I can't get off the ground."

"Maybe you can take off the suit and just run back?" Caitlin offered, voice teasing.

They were never going to let him live down literally streaking through town after the thing with Bette. (At least she was safe in Canada for now.)

"No, no," Cisco was already vetoing, "he is not abandoning my suit."

"What happened to it being our suit?" Barry complained.

"It's our suit when you treat it right," Cisco griped. "Covering it in a fast-drying slurry is not taking care of the suit, Barry."

"See if you can dislodge it by vibrating," Dr. Wells coached, sounding amused.

Barry grimaced. His upper body vibrated easily enough, but the golden sludge was holding his legs fairly still. But, within a few moments - which felt long to him when he gave into his speed like this - it began to flake away as he slowly overcame the compound's grip on his suit. Once his legs came free, he tried to bend his knees and it flaked away even faster until, finally, he could stand.

"Alright, I'm up. Should I go after him? Them? Should I go after them?" Barry nearly face-palmed. Hopefully they didn't pick up on that slip, though he certainly couldn't have done a better job of pointing a neon sign at what he'd first said if he'd tried.

It was just... Captain Cold's blue eyes were like chips of ice, yet somehow full of mirth and warmth and... his voice. Oh wow, that voice was just smooth.

"We lost them on traffic cameras," Cisco told him. "You might as well come back and give me a chance to repair the suit and study the remains of whatever it is that glued you down to the ground like that."

"At least next time I'll know how to shake it off," Barry muttered, running off right as the police cars finally arrived on the scene.

Over the comms there were two groans and an amused snicker at Barry's pun.

* * *

"So," Caitlin raised an eyebrow, looking quite amused. "Should I go after him?" she quoted in a pitch perfect rendition of Barry's breathless voice from the comms earlier.

Cisco smirked as Barry turned beet red.

"I said 'them'," Barry objected weakly.

"You said 'him' first," Cisco corrected before Caitlin could beat him to it. "So, which 'him' were you interested in? Captain Cold or Heatwave? And I gotta say, I'm loving their names. Goes well with the temperature themed gun aesthetic they've got going on. A little disappointed I didn't get to come up with those names, though." He poked at the glittery golden residue all over the lower half of the Flash suit. "Not sure how I feel about this Golden Glider yet, though," he grumbled. Cisco had already set aside some samples to test, but now he had to figure out how to get the suit clean. Because he was not making yet another replacement suit. Not so soon after Bette made the last one go boom.

(He still missed her. She'd forgiven him for his bout of stupidity when they first met and had laughed at his lame jokes. She didn't seem to reciprocate his attraction to her, but they could've been friends if she'd stayed. He'd have liked that.)

"Maybe a power washer," Cisco muttered to himself, staring at the fabric. It's not like the Flash suits were dry clean only, so... it'd be fine, right? Get a power washer and maybe a spare mannequin...

"We've lost him," Caitlin sighed, exchanging a wry glance with Barry.

"What? No." Cisco put his brain back on track. They were teasing Barry, the suit could wait. "Seriously, dude, who caught your eye?"

"Captain Cold," Barry admitted. "Heatwave was hot too and Golden Glider is gorgeous, but... Cold was just..." he trailed off with a blush.

"Well, while I'm glad to see you crushing on someone who isn't Iris," Caitlin told Barry, "maybe the newest super villain on the block isn't the greatest rebound you could go with."

"I'm not gonna ask him on a date," Barry hissed, embarrassed. "It's not like I chose to find him ridiculously attractive, he was just..."

"Speaking your love language, the art of punning?" Cisco interjected. "With an opener like 'ice to meet you' its no wonder you were all aflutter for him."

"Ya'll are awful and I hate you both." Barry crossed his arms and pouted vigorously, much to Cisco and Caitlin's shared entertainment.


End file.
